It's been a while

Sorry I haven’t posted much recently. I have been really busy the last couple of weeks and I’ve been feeling really low and didn’t feel like moaning on here. So this might be a bit of long update. I am going to start with session 2...

So after my second session, I couldn’t shake off the cold I had, it just kept lingering. It was actually really annoying as it kept coming and going and especially with the weather we were having, it was not helping the situation. I had to keep an eye on the temperature and one evening it went up to 38degrees. I was told that if it ever gets to 38degrees to phone the hospital immediately and go to there. I thought I'd give it an hour and wait and see if it would go down. When I was younger, my mum would tell me to wrap myself up when I had a temperature and 'sweat it out'. I thought I’d give that a go and within half an hour I was sweating so much and true enough my temperature went back down to below 37 degrees. This meant that it wasn’t an infection and most likely just a fever. The next day I still didn’t feel 100% but I started to feel better. Unfortunately this was before the 10-14 day period which would mean that my immune system was only going to get worse so I thought that I would only get worse. Luckily this didn’t happen and I managed to get out of feeling terrible again. 

Annoyingly, as I started feeling better with the cold, my bum problem started playing up again. This time, the pain was not only when I was going to the toilet, but it was a constant pain in the back side. I found it really painful to walk and sit and this was for about 2 days so I ended up going to the doctors. My GP was on holiday so I had to see another doctor. I explained the situation to him and about the tear and I explained to him that the pain was severe. He then told me to go and lie on the bed with my bum out and face the wall so he could have a look. He then proceeded to have a look at the sensitive area and then he said ‘I know this might hurt a bit but I just need to have a look.’ The next thing I know, he is shoving his finger in my fragile, very sore bottom and I literally felt like someone just stabbed me with a very sharp knife. I have had a prostate exam before so I know what an examination feels like, but when I told him to begin with that I was in so much pain and he still proceeded to do that I felt like punching him for that, there just was no need. He looked like a crazy doctor and he really was a crazy ass doctor. I didn’t let him anywhere near my bottom after that but he was still kind enough to prescribe me a really good cream called Glyceryl Trinitrate. For anyone that suffers from really bad pains down there I would highly recommend this. Apparently the only side effect is that it gives you headaches but I would rather deal with headaches and even chemo than that horrible pain. I’ve might of mentioned it before, but for me cancer is OK, it’s the side effects of chemo that make it difficult. I can deal with the sickness and bloat but I just can’t deal with bottom pains. I just can’t wait until the day when I have a poo and it doesn’t hurt. 

After the second session, I also finally got the wig. Unfortunately I was very underwhelmed by it and quite disappointed. It just did not look as I expected and I built myself to believe that it was going to look really good and I was going to use it all the time. The color of it wasn’t as bad as I expected but the amount of hair was. The hairdresser at the salon did cut it as much as she could but it still looks really long and I just think it’s a really bad haircut. I will see if my friend Maddie can sort it out though, she’s not a wig expert but she knows my hair and is an amazing hairdresser ;). The only time I want to use the wig is for family occasions also for my friend’s Russell and Sallies wedding as I do not want to wear hat and look scruffy or be bald in the pictures. Their wedding also falls under the same week as my last session of chemo. The way I have been feeling so far, I don’t think I will be able to last the whole day without going for a nap and the amount of medication I would be on, I don’t think I would be able to enjoy myself. So I have asked my consultant if I could delay my last session by a week. Usually they do not like to do this but since it’s my last session and it’s an important event to me they will be a able to do that. I am not doing it so I can drink or get drunk which is the last thing I want as I am tired of feeling sick, it’s only so I can be there and be awake. Another thing that the consultant mentioned is that i'm anemic which would explain why I have been feeling really low and tired constantly.